Things that make you say.... WTF?

[DrHax]

"God this tastes like shit"


How do you know what shit tastes like? Or piss is there a comparative standard? Or have we all one time in our life had piss or shit rammed into out mouths unwillingly?

[V8Transporter]

Hmm, if you ever have the chance, try some of the C-Ration's meals some time...cold. Especicllay the Beef & Potatos or Ham & Eggs.

[DocMike]

Guys, almost from the very beginning of our potty training we are taught to wash our hands when we finish because we touched ourselves down there but, as we get a bit older and start dating, by the third date all we can think about is "How can I get her to put this in her mouth?"

Doc

[tattooed_pariah]

Originally Posted by DocMike

Guys, almost from the very beginning of our potty training we are taught to wash our hands when we finish because we touched ourselves down there but, as we get a bit older and start dating, by the third date all we can think about is "How can I get her to put this in her mouth?"

Doc

and really you should wash your hands BEFORE you use the restroom.. think about you, you shower in the morning, and (most of us) only expose ourselves to outside germs while using the restroom.. meanwhile your hands are filthy from touching everything all day.. :P

[Ray-Dean]

Originally Posted by DocMike

......as we get a bit older and start dating, by the third date all we can think about is "How can I get her to put this in her mouth?"
Doc

Ok. Y'all are just talking a bunch of fucked up nonsense now.

Who waits for the third date to start thinking about getting a blowjob?
I realize I've been married for over 10 years now, but back before that, if a chick had a grill like a cheese grater I didn't go on a first date..... Just sayin....

[alykat]

Originally Posted by V8Transporter

Hmm, if you ever have the chance, try some of the C-Ration's meals some time...cold. Especicllay the Beef & Potatos or Ham & Eggs.

Ah crap ! Ohooo the memories. My team was at an LP near An Khe and the resupply chopper dropped us a case of rats...packaging date 1953 ! Even worse, we ate the damn things.

[Ray-Dean]

1953? How was the gum? LOL

Yeah launching sorties from the gulf during the first one and several westpac's later and my teeth still hurt from chewing some of that shit. And yes! It tasted like shit!! But it was better than the "box lunch"... Nothing has worse than cold chicken by-product nuggets at 2:00 a.m.

[V8Transporter]

Ah yes, the memories. While spending a lovely 57 days on a little OP on the edge of the Ashau, we finally got a resupply and the Cs were maggot infested. Now there was a WTF moment. Our LT told us that bugs were "really high in protein." You know, we really need a little 'barfing' icon.

[SCOTTRODS]

Anyone else notice how Celery Tastes like Scotch Tape.... smells?


Just sayin'

[V8Transporter]

But it doesn't stick to your teeth as bad.....

[bigguy]

Why is it we believe what we talk as a language is correct. What does my dog really think as he begins to hump the air cause he is excited to see me.

[amrcnbadaz]

Originally Posted by bigguy

What does my dog really think as he begins to hump the air cause he is excited to see me.

[bigguy]

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back. A stick.

[bigguy]

Does holey water have holes in it. What amount of money in the offering plate actually goes to the church. Do pussywillow trees grow next to ash trees.

[bigguy]

Green means go yellow means drive like an ass to get through it and red makes me look for cops in all diretions.

[d3ghia]

When I was stationed in Germany I accompanied a nice frauline to her home for dinner with her parents.

They had a parrot that talked. It said, "gruss gott" and "ich leiber dich"



I thought it was the smartest bird ever. Much smarter than parrots in 'Merica.




This one not only talked, it had learned a foreign language.

[metalmaster1766]

Originally Posted by bigguy

Green means go yellow means drive like an ass to get through it and red makes me look for cops in all diretions.

That reminds me of an old joke, & yeah, it kinda makes ya wanna say WTF!

So one day I was riding around with a friend, we come to a red lite, he slows down & drives right thru it, I say, "hey, you just ran a red lite", he says,"I know, my brother does it all the time", so after a few more red lites we finally come to a green lite & he stops, I say "why ya stopping, the lite is green" he says "cause my brother's out driving today" WTF?


Ron

[johnny27030]

Originally Posted by d3ghia

When I was stationed in Germany I accompanied a nice frauline to her home for dinner with her parents.

They had a parrot that talked. It said, "gruss gott" and "ich leiber dich"



I thought it was the smartest bird ever. Much smarter than parrots in 'Merica.




This one not only talked, it had learned a foreign language.

Hahaha.....guess that would be really cool, if you were still in Merica'. What the hell did that bird say anyway? Translated into english.

[d3ghia]

Gruss gott is a greeting - sort of like our "what's up". It actually started as a longer phrase meaning something like may God greet you or something.

Ich leiber dich means I love you.

[metalmaster1766]

Talking bout the talking bird brings back an old child hood memory, my grandma knew some woman about her age that had a bunch of birds (she was super rich), one of them was a parrot named Polly, she also had a few parakeets & a cockatoo, when ever this woman would go out of town she'd bring her birds to my grandma's house so she could bird sit them until she got back home, me & my brother spent just about every weekend at my grand parents house, so I got attached to the parrot which repeated just about everything it heard on a regular basis, so one day the parrot started cussing, just a few words, shit, son of a bitch & damn-it was it, it took a while, but we finally figured out where the parrot was hearing the cussing from, they were kept in the bedroom where my grandpa got dressed for work in the mornings, if he couldn't find what he wanted he'd mumble a few cuss words, she finally started keeping the birds in another bedroom

About 3 times a year Mrs Elsaesser (the lady with the birds), would call me at my house, she wanted me to talk to her parrot over the phone because she said it would act really sad after getting home, so I'd spend about 30 minutes talking to her parrot, as soon as I said "Hey Polly" Polly would say back "Hey Ronnie" the dadgum bird knew my voice & my name, I talked to that bird until I was between 8 or 15 years old, I just thought it was amazing that a bird was that smart to recognize my voice & remember my name, I missed those calls when she passed away, I never did know what happened to her birds, but the Elsaesser family was purty large & plenty rich, the parrot was around 17 years old when I first met it & I heard they can live to be in their 70's depending on the type, I'm purty sure her's was an Amazon parrot, so it could very well be alive to this day, I haven't thought about that bird for almost 25+ years
Thank ya Keith for bring back a great memory

Ron

[JiI]

Originally Posted by SCOTTRODS

I want to grow my own food. Where do I buy Bacon Seeds?

People think Jesus is so special because he turned water into wine. I like pigs as they turn veggies and slop into bacon!!!!
Jeff

[hotsauce]

If Noah had the benefit of hindsight on his ship, he coulda snatched up two unicorns, and left behind the muthafuckin pigs... I hear unicorns are scrumptualescent. (Yes, I made that word up)

[JiI]

'sauce, you feelin' okay buddy?
Jeff

[bigguy]

Popularity contests in life are like a sheep hearding contest. They always try to separate the black sheep from the bunch only to realize the black sheep really don't care. Now JiI will have wild vivid dreams of sheep.

[bigguy]

Why haven't hubless wheels become the new vw bug wheel of choice.