the lighter side - Page 111 - Cut-Weld-Drive Forums

JiI · August 19th, 2012, 09:33 AM

This happened yesterday and is absolutely true!!!!!

I was out with my wife at an Audubon Hummingbird banding session. The bands they are putting on the hummers are micro in size but have the ID numbers on them. As the guy was banding one, he asked if there were any questions. A girl piped up with wanting to know how you read the numbers on the bands with them flying around so fast. Wha-?

Jeff

**d3ghia** · August 19th, 2012, 09:19 PM

How do you?

JiI · August 20th, 2012, 04:10 AM

I wanted the guy to say that the bird reads them back to him.

Jeff

flatfender · August 20th, 2012, 09:46 AM

this happened about 10 years ago when I was in Tennesee visiting a friend.
We went into an auto parts store looking for a part for his MG and the girl behind the counter couldn't find it in her computer, so, I asked if there was a Napa nearby. her responce to this day makes me shake my head "no, there is no Napa nearby, but there is an (spelling it) N A P A about two blocks away"

there was also the time I was looking for muffler for my Willys CJ2A and the kid behind the counter refused to believe that Willys-Overland was the make and CJ2A was the model. the manager was called over and I was allowed to go though boxs until I found a muffler that came close to the measurements I needed.

**Jaison710** · August 20th, 2012, 09:52 PM

You all know the jokes involving sending someone uneducated in cars to try to buy piston rings for an rx7, or a water pump for a 63 beetle. Years ago when I was in auto school, our teacher sent a student into another class room to ask that teacher if he could borrow 1 fallopian tube. That teacher sent him to another room saying he lent it out to them already. Very funny.

**tattooed_pariah** · August 21st, 2012, 12:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jaison710

You all know the jokes involving sending someone uneducated in cars to try to buy piston rings for an rx7, or a water pump for a 63 beetle. Years ago when I was in auto school, our teacher sent a student into another class room to ask that teacher if he could borrow 1 fallopian tube. That teacher sent him to another room saying he lent it out to them already. Very funny.

We get a LOT of this on the boats... "chem light batteries", "10 yards of flight line", "box of grid squares" etc..

I once sent a guy out for a bucket of steam... about an hour later, he comes back, out of breath like he'd been running, and he's holding a bucket with maybe an ounce of water in it.. "sorry man! I tried getting back here as quick as I could, but it condensed...."

I gave him the rest of the day off..

flatfender · August 21st, 2012, 06:20 PM

a couple more.

1. right after graduating from high school I worked at a burger place. right in the middle of dinner rush I slammed my hands down and I told the kid who was getting in my way, that I was out of poppy seeds and I needed him to get a bag of them out of the freezer.
20 minutes later I went in after him, his lips were blue and he was still looking for the poppy seeds.

2. I was at a different job and this one day I was replacing a fluorescent lamp in a light fixture when one of the guys I work with said "before you put that in, you might want to check it for continuity, so your not putting in a dead one" after immediatly shooting him a WTF? look, he hung his head and asked " I didn't just say that? did I?". he's an electrician.

valleyvw · August 22nd, 2012, 07:42 AM

We have a windmill farm up the mountain, a customer comes in joking about "those damn windmills are making it extremely windy today",the woman behind the counter agreed,saying how they should be shut down.

Bugula · August 22nd, 2012, 10:03 AM

The things I've heard working the parts counter:

I need a "voga-lator"

"Turning Point Injection"

"Delto Remedy"

**V8Transporter** · August 22nd, 2012, 10:22 AM

I was working on a friends Formula B car, a Brabam BT 23, and this neighbor kid kept bugging me with about a million mostly stupid questions. Among them was, "what's Loc-Tite for?" Before I could stop him, he'd opened the tube and squeezed out about half the contents onto the car's fresh paint. I explained how it worked, asked if he really wanted to help, gave him five bucks and sent him off on his bicycle to the parts store, a few miles from the garage, for a bottle of "Loc-Loose." I thought that I was being pretty smart, that he'd be gone quite a while and return with my money. About an hour later he shows back up with a little bottle of something called, and I am not kidding, "Nuts Off."

It was $2.99 plus tax....sigh. On the back of the receipt was a note from the parts guy, who knew me, which read, "Here you go, smart ass."

**tattooed_pariah** · August 22nd, 2012, 01:10 PM

bwahahahahahahaahaha, holy crap there are SOOOO many times I want to use this!!!

Stray Catalyst · August 23rd, 2012, 06:05 AM

In the Air Force, many moons ago, it was a common prank to send FNGs (Friendly New Guys) out at night with flashlights on the disused parts of the airstrip, looking for prop wash.

**V8Transporter** · August 23rd, 2012, 10:57 AM

Whilst serving my country in South Vietnam, and mostly out on little OPs, we heated our C-rations and LRRPs with C-4. And for light entertainment, used light a BB sized bit of C-4, toss it on the floor of the bunker, and ask a 'FNG' to stomp it out. As in, "Hey buddy, that little bit got away from me, you mind stomping it out?"

The tiny explosion would pop the guy's foot in the air and there was laughter all around.

I always wondered who had figured out just how much to use.

**alykat** · August 23rd, 2012, 11:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by V8Transporter

Whilst serving my country in South Vietnam, and mostly out on little OPs, we heated our C-rations and LRRPs with C-4. And for light entertainment, used light a BB sized bit of C-4, toss it on the floor of the bunker, and ask a 'FNG' to stomp it out. As in, "Hey buddy, that little bit got away from me, you mind stomping it out?"

The tiny explosion would pop the guy's foot in the air and there was laughter all around.

I always wondered who had figured out just how much to use.

You mean after watching the first 20 or so guys go limping off with broken ankles ? I heard it was a draftee coal miner from either Kentucky or Tennesee who brought the knowledge with him when he entered the service. The guy who told me was an ordinance disposal NCO.

Ace of Shades · August 23rd, 2012, 12:31 PM

That reminds me about 4th of July practices around here. I don't know the name anywhere else, but we call them "whistling pete's". They are finger sized fountains that scream, pointless except to annoy the neighbours. Some one, some where figured that if you take one, beat it down with a hammer, wrap it in tape and light it off they explode. Looking back on it it is simple knowledge about powders, and explosions, but I still want to know what fingerless one handed person came up with that and tested it out. The shit I did as a teen, I should not have a body that is as complete as it is.

**Jaison710** · August 23rd, 2012, 03:10 PM

Hey, we did that too. They were called pickallo Petes. We used to have a steel pipe we tape off one end, & filled with about 6 inches of sand. Threw them in the pipe & wedge a tennis ball into it & shoot the balls several houses down.

metalmaster1766 · August 23rd, 2012, 05:30 PM

Ya know why PMS is called PMS ???

B'cause MadCow was already taken

JiI · August 24th, 2012, 07:06 PM

THe neighbor kid would go buy 4 cans of tennis balls, cut the tops and bottoms off except 1, duct tape them together, punch a hole in the bottom, squirt lighter fluid in, drop a ball in and light the fluid and launch the balls about 200 feet down the road.
Jeff

cuttinup · August 24th, 2012, 07:32 PM

Or at kites, or knock on neighbors door, or set your shirt on fire.....

**Mikelrome** · September 5th, 2012, 06:39 AM

JiI · September 5th, 2012, 03:20 PM

Jeff

**V8Transporter** · September 5th, 2012, 05:15 PM

X2 +

**Mikelrome** · September 5th, 2012, 05:26 PM

**tattooed_pariah** · September 13th, 2012, 11:11 AM

Stolen from the Samba: http://www.thesamba.com/vw/forum/vie...a52e99f69f7ff8

Quote:

Back in 1989 I was building a low budget turbo-drag car. One of the items done was to weld up the body trim holes. As I got to the hole next to the rear fender which had the plastic molding still installed I stopped.

One thing led to another and the hole never got welded. Night before the car's debut at the drags I decided the hole looked bad so I quickly mounted a dummy toggle switch.

In the pits I was asked what the switch was for. I replied that if I was racing a Chevy I moved the switch forward which dropped one cylinder. If racing a Ford I moved the switch backward which dropped two cylinders. That baffled a few and angered a couple competitors. I thought it was funny.

JiI · September 13th, 2012, 12:10 PM

That is a riot! (Or likely to start one!)

Jeff